fridgetothefire: (honed attention)
Anya Lehnsherr | Earth 97400 ([personal profile] fridgetothefire) wrote2015-01-21 11:05 pm

063 ☣ a fire that feeds itself

[Normally, when she's struggling with something, Anya knits, or bakes, or does research, or practices guitar. She practices her combat drills and sketching and does meditation, maybe does more than her usual daily practice. If it's especially bad, she might give herself an evening to get truly drunk, and pick herself up in the morning. None of those work, just now. She is fathomlessly furious, at Chris, at herself, at Shandra fucking Sharpe, and two of those she can't touch, and none of her sanguine distractions can divert her focus from the heat of her anger. She is in very real danger, she suspects, of taking a headlong dive into her father's drinking problem if she touches a drop in this state.

Her masks used to be so much thicker. She has grown with freedom, and she chafes, doesn't fit beneath them.]



[Private to Dean, backdated to right after Chris's post]

I really need to hit someone who's going to hit me back right now.

You, me, the enclosure, ten minutes. Yay or nay?


[Open Enclosure Spam]

[The day after 'sparring' with Dean, Anya is in the Enclosure again. She has a shepherd's sling, tough old cord and worn leather cradle for whatever stones she finds. She hunts birds, strikes them in flight. It's the concentration she needs.]


[6th Floor Spam]

[When she does maintenance tasks, she's got the mask mostly on, moves smoothly, face professionally rather than disconcertingly blank. She works on T'Pol's door, reinforces the frame, adds a biometric lock she can program when she wakes up. She's got half a dozen manuals out on the floor, working through the particulars of Federation - no, Imperial - technology. She gets her meals quickly and eats them off a crate while browsing over the project.]


[Private separately to Zane, Riddick, and Cass]

I'm not good company right now. But if you don't want to be angry alone, you can come hold me.


[Thoughtcall to Jean]

What do you do when you're this mad?

[A flicker of a projection, because she doesn't have words. Like it's eating her from the inside out, like it's eating everything else she tries. It's like being on fire again, the way it consumes her attention, the horror and the helplessness, and she can't even go hazy from smoke.]
surfaceshine: (Doubt)

[ Private ]

[personal profile] surfaceshine 2015-01-22 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
[He's careful not to answer right away. Once he does, his wary paranoia is in full display.]

What's the catch?
surfaceshine: (When You're Right)

[ Private ]

[personal profile] surfaceshine 2015-01-22 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
[Dean barely has any formal combat training; in that way, the fight won't be very challenging.

But he is tough and he is strong, he has his tricks and he's not afraid to hurt her. He has his doubts about whether or not she'll be willing to be hurt, and the requirement that he not use weapons gives him much longer pause than it would have a month ago.

But in the end he doesn't have anything special, anyway. Not yet.
]

I'll be there.

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tucky: (they're tough on drunk drivers in Canada)

[6th floor spam]

[personal profile] tucky 2015-01-22 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
[Tiffany's hanging around in the lounge watching DVDs, but when she sees Anya fooling around with the door next to hers (she's never met T'Pol, even though they're neighbors), she wanders over to investigate. And maybe to ask if she has any brownies on her.]

Hey. Whatcha doing?
tucky: (they're tough on drunk drivers in Canada)

[6th floor spam]

[personal profile] tucky 2015-01-22 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
[If she notices the difference, she doesn't say anything. Instead she pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and jots something down on it.]

Inmates do that too, right?

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warisart: (In Another World)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2015-01-22 06:36 am (UTC)(link)
[Ben is sensitive. No one who's met him, who has seen past the strangeness of him, has spoken with him while paying attention, would deny this. Somehow, despite all the reasons he has to be callous and detached, he is perhaps even moreso now than he ever was before. This goes both ways: it helps him connect with people that are difficult to connect with, and it makes it very hard for him to be around people who are even indirectly distressing him.

Anya is angry and although he knows it's not at him, even though he is still upset and he knows it's not at her, he suspects that neither of them are strictly enjoying one another's company just now. It's partially his fault for still refusing to just go - this is uncomfortable, but it's still terrifying in a nameless, formless, untethered way to be out of her presence for too long - but beneath that he understands, too, that he would be here anyway. He wants to help. He just doesn't know how.

Or maybe he does. Anya is poring over some information he suspects is eluding her, given how long she's flipped between the same pages; Ben hasn't written a single word on the menu he's working on. Abruptly, he closes the recipe book on his work, drops it on the floor, and stands. This would normally be when he leaves for his evening run if he's taking one on any given day; this time, he doesn't move for the door just yet.
]

Put on comfortable shoes.
Edited 2015-01-22 06:50 (UTC)
warisart: (Manticore)

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[personal profile] warisart 2015-02-23 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
[He does so without further comment, moving quickly and efficiently; he knows where everything in her cabin goes, where it's safe to stow what isn't normally stored there. He leaves his jacket behind when they exit the room, leaving him in his grey t-shirt and black BDUs, unconcerned about the chill. His elevated body temperature does, after all, serve a purpose.

The common room at the end of the hall is appropriate for stretching and he stops there, more for her benefit than for his own. Not that he doesn't warm up at all, but he is designed to outperform humans; it would take another transgenic or someone like Steve to push him to exertion, and he knows that.
]

Normally, I circle all floors of the Barge including the upper decks and then finish out my time in... formerly the CES, now the Enclosure. Stay with me for as long as you can.

[He doesn't wait: he straightens from pulling his left calf muscle taut, then turns and sets out at a jog down the hall for the stairwell to take it all the way down to level zero.]

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fireincarnate: (Concerned)

[personal profile] fireincarnate 2015-01-22 04:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[Jean's angry, too - a deep, righteous fury boiling in her chest - but she keeps it at a distance. It's easier, not knowing the boys that well. It's easier after she's fixed it, even if she can't touch the source.

It's strange, being calmer than Anya. She draws on that aching stability, and offers a piece of it to ground her.]


I try not to get that mad, any more. [She can't afford it. She can't lose control.

But Anya at her most furious can't raze a universe to its foundations. Not all at once, anyway.]


Before - I'd hole myself into the Danger Room, or the CTS, and program something I wanted to destroy. That spent a lot of it; it gave the fury somewhere to go.

[Charles didn't approve. He said it was giving into rage, when they should be rising above it.

She remembers how freeing it was to realise he could be wrong.]


After that - I'd try to find something nice to do. [She's not trying to project, but there are flickers of images, hazy with the distance of time. Laughing with Bobby, building with Hank, flying with Warren. Climbing her favourite tree and reading old fairy tales. Vegging out at Coffee A Go-Go.

Just being a girl, instead of a soldier or martyr or nightmare.]


I think the Enclosure can project anything you want.
fireincarnate: (Default)

[personal profile] fireincarnate 2015-02-01 06:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Jean knows, too, could see her in their memories, and there's a flare of violent viciousness. She doesn't hide it, not from Anya.

But she understands. Feeding those desires can lead you down paths you don't want.

We could do something else.

And the woods shift. It's the same place, but warm sunlight dapples the leaves, and the birds sing.

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punched_hitler: ([ta] are you sure this is a good idea)

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[personal profile] punched_hitler 2015-01-22 05:01 pm (UTC)(link)
[Steve plans to stop by T'Pol's cabin at least once a day to make sure everything's okay, especially given the door... issue at the moment. When he spots Anya from down the hall, though, he does a 180 and heads up to the kitchen - then returns shortly after with a plate of both cookies and fruit, since he's not sure which she'd prefer.

He holds it out a bit like a peace offering, after making sure to make enough noise on his approach that she'll know he's coming.]
Sorry to make more work for you, but fixing it myself was a little out of the question.
punched_hitler: [tws] (old costume in a new time (talking))

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[personal profile] punched_hitler 2015-01-22 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[He's learned not to sneak up on people because he knows what it's like to be snuck up on, however unintentionally.

Also, there's a bit of a holdover there from having pretty poor hearing. Time was, it wasn't hard to sneak up on him at all, and he'd hated that feeling of vulnerability.]


Yeah, but usually when I make a mess these days, it's because I mean to.

[He remains amiable, even if she's not.] But I guess keeping busy isn't always a bad thing.

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godsays: (35)

private

[personal profile] godsays 2015-01-23 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know what to do.

I never know what to do.
godsays: (118)

private

[personal profile] godsays 2015-01-24 06:32 am (UTC)(link)
[ He doesn't reply again, just ghosts to her door. He doesn't knock before he tries the handle. ]

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hellofist: (just tired)

spam

[personal profile] hellofist 2015-01-26 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
[What's the use of contacting her first? That's an open invitation, and it's Anya asking for something Cass would never say no to. She remembers, distantly, when they didn't hug. When that wasn't second nature the way breathing is. When Cass would desperately want to touch and hold and kept it in, waited for Anya to want it too. It seems like a different life.

So she doesn't wait. She just goes, and then knocks, and then considers how stupid it is that she lives in a place with people she wants no doors in the way of and yet there are always doors in the way. She kind of hates that a little.]
hellofist: (wait what?)

[personal profile] hellofist 2015-01-28 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[Cass' eyes widen at that and she looks down at the door knob in surprise, the strangest sense of longing and unhappiness shooting through her before she settles back into worrying about Anya. Hand scanners to get inside. Scanners to keep everyone out of what becomes your home. She'd had those, on a fireman's pole that lead down into her Batcave. Alfred put them there. She likes knowing Anya has the same kind of security.]

Good. That's... good. Here. [She closes the door, and then opens her arms up to Anya.] Come here.

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