fridgetothefire: (wish you were right)
[Public, video]

[Anya's in the chapel, curled into a ball in the corner of a pew. She's not crying, but she has been, eyes red-rimmed, cheeks tear-stained, sniffling a little, hair a bit mussed. But she faces the communicator squarely.]

I just saw my sister for the first time in almost three years.

I killed her, for those of you who don't know. I basically raised her - our parents certainly didn't help - and she was one of the only people who was ever kind to me. And then I killed her.

I've been waiting to make that right almost since I came to the barge. And now -

[A shaky breath, but she gets it under control, doesn't start crying again.]

She doesn't hate me. She will, I think, when she can really process how I betrayed her. But right now she's just - scared, and hopeful, and alive. She has good people taking care of her now.

And I just - I want to talk about forgiveness, I guess. Because it's never, ever required. If you forgive someone, it should be for you, because you don't want to carry the anger anymore. Nobody deserves to be punished forever, but that doesn't mean you have to be support to people who've hurt you. It doesn't mean you have to accept them in your life, even if they've reformed.

If Wanda never wants to see me - if she never wants to be my sister, if she can't trust me after I broke her trust, then that's - fair. That's her right. Just like it's my right never to forgive our father, which I haven't. Which I won't. I hope she forgives me. But I hope more that she's happy, that she has the tools to build a life she wants, with the people she wants in it.

The thing about the other barge - I know some people are scared or confused and some people are jaded and just hunkering down, and we'll get through it, and it will end, and our wounds will be healed and our tolls paid but the thing about the other barge, the actually terrible thing, is that sometimes it gives us no opportunity to choose against our own monstrosity. And sometimes we do unforgivable things there, and it isn't us - it isn't our choices - but it is us, too. Sometimes trust is broken in ways that can't be fixed with a week or two of suffering.

[She thinks of Cassel and Iris, of herself and Abigail, of herself and Beatrix, herself and Dean.]

But that doesn't mean it's impossible, either. When we're back. When the tide goes out and our wrecks are bare on the sand. Just. Remember to be kind to each other, as much as you can, whatever side of it you were on. And be kind to yourselves. I think that's the most important thing we can do.

[Private to everyone who was around for the Tosh fiasco]

Is anyone still here who fell into the abyss during Tosh's takeover?

[Private to Peter, backdated a few days]

So it's me with four inmates to watch, now.

[And to think maintenance used to be a warden's club.]

And the ship's going to pieces no matter what I do.

Mal volunteered to pitch in awhile ago, so if you still feel - tired, I'll bring her in. But the ceiling's always yours if you want it.
fridgetothefire: (skulk)
[Friends Filter, afternoon of the second day]

[If you think you might be on it, etc]

So. This one is...uh. Disconcerting. If any of you guys want me to grab dinner for you or something, I'm willing to play gopher.

[Open Spam, throughout]

[Anya is, in the finest sense of the phrase, tempting fate. She skitters through the hallways on the most-used levels (cafeteria, dinings, bathrooms), deliberately takes corners at a hurried clip. She tells herself it makes sense, tactically, that she's still just gathering as much information as she can. She will admit, later, that it's mostly just her love of new experiences, of the chance to be someone new and do things she couldn't imagine before. Even with the sheer amount of pain the barge carries and the way it exposes her history in turn - it's worth it, she thinks. It's incredible.]

[Open Spam, Pub, sometime after running into Felix, possibly literally.]

[Anya needs a stiff drink. And she is going to get one. Right now.]

[Private separately to Ben and Cassel]

How are you holding up?
fridgetothefire: (curious)

Okay, this is a long shot, but I know we've got all kinds of magic and tech here that I don't know all the capabilities of, so here goes:

Does anybody have, or know of, something that can like...turn memories into photographs? We never really had cameras around when I was little and I guess I'm just. Being maudlin about a few things.

[aka she misses the twins when they were stupid babies]

Confidential to Arthas, Alex, Babs, Cassel, Charles, Erik, Jesse, Tosh, and Touko. )


fridgetothefire: (Default)
Anya Lehnsherr | Earth 97400

November 2015

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