043 ☣ to live and die before a mirror

[fridgetothefire]

[She's smiling with all her teeth, effusive, almost glowing.]

This was my second flood, when I first came aboard. Christmas cheer, and then truth. It ripped me apart. I told people who would become very dear friends that I wanted to see them and everyone like them wiped out. I told people about all my shames and fears and weaknesses. I told myself - because I knew, deep down - that my rationalizations were worthless, that I'd done unbearable things.

And then I had to bear it.

I'll always love this flood, for forcing me to face myself. For those of you who don't know me well: I'm Anya Lehnsherr. I murdered my father and I'm not sorry. I tortured my sister and I am sorry. I love more of the people who have hurt me than I probably should, and I love this place even though it's terrible.

I let Arthas make me into a vicious undead thing full of corrosive power a few months ago, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. It got me graduated, actually.

I've been here for sixteen months now, and I've seen and done and survived more than I ever could have imagined. I used to keep secrets like breathing, and I'm learning to let almost all of them go. So I only have one question.

What do you want to know?


[Private to Sylvanas, the third day]

I forgave you a long time ago. I thought you should know that.

Comments

[text]

[velocette]

I've found that the only families that really believe in sides are those that are climbing some kind of social ladder. What's yours involved in, politics or crime?

[text]

[fridgetothefire]

Yes.

Which is to say, terrorism.

[text]

[velocette]

[It takes him a moment to respond. The word carries a different connotation to him than it would to many other people, just because of the social climate he's from.]

Who are they trying to take out? And are you sure your sister would want to be away from it?

[text]

[fridgetothefire]

Humans.

Yes.

[text]

[velocette]

You've proved the humans can win.

Why did your dad keep you around, when he knew you are human?

[text]

[fridgetothefire]

Sentiment.

[text]

[velocette]

Glad you ended up here instead of him. [Even though it means she must have died back home.]

What would you do if he did show up here?

[text]

[fridgetothefire]

Laugh.




Scream.

Enjoy being in a position of power over him, and try not to abuse it. Explain things, if he'd listen to me. Meddle. Avoid him. Watch him seethe and squirm. Give him exactly one chance. Give him the same chance every idiot here gets. Give him no chance at all.

Pitch him over the side once, just for the hell of it.

Visit Erik until the urge to make him orange tarts and tell him how much better I am and beg him to love me passed.

Conduct myself like a mature responsible warden. Go a little crazier. Endure.

[text]

[velocette]

It's a peculiar thing about us all that parents hardly ever earn the devotion we give them.

He probably doesn't deserve to know you, even though he thinks he does.

[text]

[fridgetothefire]

I know.

Did yours?

[text]

[velocette]

No. Maybe. As a punishment, I suppose. I'm very much like my mother, in all the ways he hates, and I don't think it helps when I'm not around in his face with it. I guess you could say, I'm one reason he drinks. She's the other.

[text]

[fridgetothefire]

I'm sorry.

[text]

[velocette]

Thank you. But people find reasons to make all kinds of mistakes, and the reasons almost never add up.

Your father probably was the same way.

[text]

[fridgetothefire]

[It was all to protect you.]

Yes, something like that.

Re: [text]

[velocette]

If he does show up, let me know if you need anything.

[You might have to remind him, but.]