fridgetothefire | 060 ☣ when we were gone astray

[Filtered Away from Dean]

...so, I seem to have gotten a few presents I distinctly remember sending to someone else. Anybody else have return-to-sender troubles?

[Because if Dean did what she suspects he did, she's not the only one.]

The real question is, do we gather all his presents together and bring them to his door at once in an enthusiastically festive parade, or do we all go one at a time so he doesn't go more than an hour or two without visitors bearing gifts for the next few days?

[Spam, for Dean]

[The barge being busy and disorganized as it is, I assume everyone will settle on option two.]

Knock, knock.

[Performed and then also spoken. At least she isn't caroling. Yet.]

[Gift List]

Ben - a music box kit, so that he can make them inscribed with any melodies he wants, a book of australian folklore, Unfinished Puzzle, and some of those long distance touch and response bracelets. But magic, please, soft leather, durable, with no distance limit or batteries.

Dean - LED lights set in a few of those small crystal rosette formations from Ville de Rachat, warm and full spectrum. Windowboxes for that sill above his sink, with herbs growing in them. An aloe plant, definitely, and a young little Kilcarnock willow. Things more useful for healing than ritual magic, although if there are any herbs he particularly wants for cooking that overlap, go ahead and include them too. A little watering can with good fortune charms on it. And one of those constant little personal fountains.

[A reminder of a time he got everyone out alive; living things; peaceful things.]

Cassel - some of those ridiculously elaborate outfits he had in the Emperor's world, and a very cheesy #1 Brother coffee mug with a picture of the two of us falling on each other drunk. Matching Erik's #1 Dad mug for font and general design.

Stephen - some Cambrian plushies that tell nerdy jokes when you squeeze them.

Zane - a book of children's tales from his world as it is now, or as it will become. One with Steelheart in it, if you can. And some treats for his bunnies.

Riddick - a plant he discovered during his survey days, or one he just particularly liked. Both, if you can.

Cass - a complete Mystery Baking Companion outfit in her size, please. the decorations on the hat should be in either purple or yellow. A snowglobe that shows her playing with friends in the snow, past present or future, with different scenes when she shakes it.

Morgana - sweets from her own time - honeycakes, maybe? A full set of the Oz books. A sound system, with some modern music and some vocals from the druid traditions of her world.

Jean - a big old fashioned orrery, and a pocket version.

Scott - Muzzy tapes for learning French, Tooth and Nail, a zombie doll to match the one he gave me last year, that resembles him, and the Wolves of Yellowstone documentary.

Touko - the complete works of Ursula Heigl, and a small punching bag with Junko's face on one side.

Peter - a possum plushie.

Steve - A Change of Scenery

Mason - some music he misses, or recordings of concerts he remembers with happiness. Bunny treats as well.

Iris - everyone gives lots of pictures this time of year. Give her a seriously bedazzled hologram locket that can hold them all, just like her hearts can. And throw in a few pictures of friends she hasn't met yet. Also, On the Upswing.

Horatio - charts and maps for seas he's never seen. Topographical maps of the ocean floors from Earth seas that he has. Alpine Navigation.

Clementine - The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce

Andrew - Gossip Girl DVDs

Cambridge - a morbid cookie jar

T'Pol - a beginner's knitting kit

Abigail - Light Flurries

Arthas - a big ridiculous amp to match his guitar. Avalanche of Horses.

Bush - a good toolkit, water, salt, and corrosion resistant. In Search of Sea.

Sylvanas - more futuristic armor

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, I got that message loud and clear.

[She sighs, a little disheartened.]

[She knows it's selfish to feel this way. Dean was...is important to a lot of people, not just to her. And ultimately, the person this impacts the most is Dean. She shouldn't mope about it. But the sting of his rejection of her is fresh and really hard to ignore. She should be handling it better, but she's not.]

[Thus begineth the cycle once more.]

How long has he been here? Like this, I mean.

Six months.

Are you gonna take it out on him?

[Quietly, with no inflection one way or the other.]

I know it's not his fault.

[Which she realizes isn't really an answer. She fidgets for a long moment before she shakes her head a little.]

I don't want to. [A beat.] I'm trying not to.

[A slow breath, and Anya bites her tongue on some of the mean, unfair things she wants to say. Be the change, or whatever. Solemn, quiet,]

It's okay if you need to back off a little until you get your head around it. He's got a lot of people pulling for him, and it's better than the alternative.

Yeah, that's probably for the best right now. [She rubs at her arm and nods.] I'll make sure he gets his presents, but a little space probably couldn't hurt.

It could hurt. He has - he's had so many terrible certainties pounded into him that almost everything confirms at least one of them.

[He's lonely as fuck and determined to push people away anyway. Give him an inch.]

But pushing yourself when you aren't prepared to deal with him on his own terms could hurt more.

[She's definitely gotten that vibe already when it comes to finding excuses to be isolated. Dean's stubbornness can be one of his strongest traits, but it's definitely working against him right now.]

I think I just need some time to wrap my head around how he's different. I know not everything about him has changed, but... I guess it's like expecting the oval piece is going to fit in the hole shaped like a circle.

He is more changed than you want to imagine.

[It's a hard thing to accept.]

Probably, [she says, softly.]

[She can't even begin to deny that with the evidence she's already seen in front of her face.]

When you aren't trying to qualify it anymore, you'll be ready.

[She nods a little and offers a weak smile.]

Thanks.

[Elena knows that Anya doesn't owe her jack, certainly not even having a conversation much less providing any sort of advice.]

[She's not doing it for Elena; she's not even doing it entirely for Dean, but just as much for herself, because it was Elena's crimes at the heart of her graduation, a decision that revenge would only be more painful, more pointless. And if she won't go for the throat, Anya refuses to let herself strike at all, refuses even small, tempting pettiness. She can't be friendly, but she can be helpful, nodding once crisply in return.]

Good luck.

060 ☣ when we were gone astray

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