fridgetothefire | 005 ☣ Backdated to earlyish on the second day of the contagion plot

[Text, separately private to Batman, Lua, Wanda, and Pietro.]

I'm not sure what's happening, but not everyone is in their right mind. I'm okay, but I'm not going meet with anyone in person until this is over.

[Because you might not still be the people she knows.]

Please stay safe.

*

[Private text to Lua, later on the third day. She leaves the comm in her room immediately after sending it, so there are no replies.]

Lua,

Checking in, even if it's not quite what you'd like to hear. I've been infected. I've seen first hand what this disease can to do people. I'm going to die sooner or later, and I'd honestly prefer sooner, before the agonizing degradation of my mind to my own worst fears and aggressions. I've been observing my progression carefully, and not only am I quite miserable, the temptation to slip next door and hurt Erik is alluring, insistent, and growing. I know I am capable of it, but we've made our peace, more or less, and I would rather not be the one to break it.

Considering all of this, I am going to kill myself as neatly and painlessly as possible. Please do not take this as a sign of despair, or any reflection on you. I have simply determined that cutting my losses and accepting a single death toll is the best option for me at this time. Please do not try to find me or stop me; I would hate it if you got hurt because of me. Stay inside and stay safe. I would prefer not to be revived until this plague is no longer a concern.

Gratefully yours,
Anya L.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She chokes a little, at that, because she was, she was so alone for so long, but she isn't here, even if she has lost her friend. She's not going to cry. Damnit, she's not.]

She didn't say that, it's just - he's. Gentler. With me. I don't know if he actual cares more about me or not, but she thinks I'm normal, that that's why he'd - and compared to her maybe I am, I don't know -

[She's audibly cracking a little bit, not hysterical but hinting strongly at it, because isn't that a goddamn laugh and a half. Normal, any of them. Though compared to anyone here she is, which is far too close to things she really doesn't want to admit yet. So she grinds her teeth and snarls and being angry and confused is much, much better than the alternative.]

And then the guy who choked me to death just for standing around my first day here protected me and I have no damn idea what to think.

Edited 2013-03-08 06:54 (UTC)

She attacked you.

[ Confirming more than asking, putting the pieces together, finally — the disease, the symptoms. There's a lump in his throat suddenly, She could have been infected already, but he pushes it down. She said she was fine, and it's clear enough that the emotional wounds are more pressing, as if he has any idea what to do with those. ]

Anya, she may not have been herself. The illness that is spreading through the ship right now, it's affecting the mind. She might not have meant anything she said to you.

She meant it.

[It's dull, resignedly sad.]

Maybe she wouldn't have ever, done anything if it weren't for, that thing, but the reasons, the feelings, I'm pretty sure those were real.

There is a difference between the thoughts that wander into your head and those you choose to act on. The choice is important, and when forces beyond your control take that away—

[ He shakes his head. It's not sufficient, just talking about it in the abstract. ]

There is a demon — an Elder God, whatever the terminology of the month is for evil — called Chthon. Wanda and I were born too near to his domain, and that makes it easier for him to hop into our heads whenever some dullard with an Eldrich dictionary starts up a chant. [ Comic book problems. ] I've fought my teammates, my friends. I tried to kill people I would otherwise trust with my life, and the fact that I had reason to be angry at several of them beforehand doesn't mean I meant it.

It isn't the same.

Edited 2013-03-29 06:08 (UTC)

[She sniffles a little and tries to muffle it.]

I still. Hate that I made her feel that way, at all.

But thanks.

[It helps.]

Of course. [ It's a reflexive you're welcome, although he sounds half surprised that that did help. Maybe he's not quite as terrible at this as he thought. (Close, but not quite.) ]

Unfortunately, there's no magic spell to keep you from inadvertently hurting people's feelings.

[ Which he does actually sound a little sad about. IF ONLY. :/ ]

Yeah. God. And everything feels so upside-down, even after he healed me I just kept remembering what he was like before, I couldn't get enough air and...

You're safe now. [ Safer, at least. ] And you cannot be expected to be comfortable around him, no matter how he helps.

[A little steadier - angrier, but steadier.]

No. No, I can't and I'm not, and. Thank you.

You're welcome.

005 ☣ Backdated to earlyish on the second day of the contagion plot

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