It was warranted. [ A wince, with that admission.] I was never much of a husband, and as a father...
[ As a father, he'd almost thought he could have been okay. There were moments, certainly. But not enough. ]
She loved me unconditionally once, the way young children do, and that should have been enough. I should have simply loved her back. But it wasn't enough, I wanted– more for her, you understand? I wanted her to have the same gifts I had, that her mother had, and it seemed cruel that a mere accident of genetics should deny her that.
[It's really, really hard. She wants to stamp her foot, to scream of course you should have just loved her, to demand to know what the hell he did in a voice as cold as the glaciers she used to hide on. But she's trying to understand, since he's telling her, trying not to punish him for the regret in his voice, for his honesty. And this is not about Anya's old furies.]
Did it seem cruel to her?
[Because it might have, Anya thinks, it might have been terrible all on it's own. She likes power, she likes to win. But all the allure an ability might have had for its own sake was nothing compared to feeling like she wasn't enough for him, like would never and could never be good enough without one.]
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fridgetothefire) wrote2013-06-09 09:15 pm
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[One part amusement to three parts sympathy. She jostles his shoulder lightly, affectionate contact that is as brief as she knows how to make it.]
I'm sorry.
no subject
It was warranted. [ A wince, with that admission.] I was never much of a husband, and as a father...
[ As a father, he'd almost thought he could have been okay. There were moments, certainly. But not enough. ]
She loved me unconditionally once, the way young children do, and that should have been enough. I should have simply loved her back. But it wasn't enough, I wanted– more for her, you understand? I wanted her to have the same gifts I had, that her mother had, and it seemed cruel that a mere accident of genetics should deny her that.
no subject
Did it seem cruel to her?
[Because it might have, Anya thinks, it might have been terrible all on it's own. She likes power, she likes to win. But all the allure an ability might have had for its own sake was nothing compared to feeling like she wasn't enough for him, like would never and could never be good enough without one.]