[There's genuine sympathy in Anya's eyes; it's not any worse than she expected, but maybe it's a little more familiar. Still, she doesn't want to share her life with Aya, not with the way she twists things. A life she didn't live, though -]
I know for a fact, thanks to a flood, that I would be a happier, more stable person if I'd killed my mother when I was ten. I mean, I also would have been a serial killer with zero empathy and basically no feelings except sadistic satsifaction, but no one would be able to hurt me, really.
I still have all of those memories. But I don't regret that I didn't take that path. It was a dead-end. It was me locking myself into one response pattern forever, because I'd given up on even wanting a world where I was more than a mere neanderthal to anyone.
But that's not the world I live in. I live in a world with people who've been kind to me, who've fought for me and saved me, even when I didn't deserve it. And I think you do, too.
It makes me happy. And hopeful. And scared and sad sometimes but it doesn't stop me from stacking all of it up and comparing it and knowing that this is better than that empty, closed-off life. Emotions are a reflection of what the world means to you and how much. You say your judgement is unclouded without emotions, but I think it's not unclouded at all. I think you're just depriving yourself of your most important data.
no subject
I know for a fact, thanks to a flood, that I would be a happier, more stable person if I'd killed my mother when I was ten. I mean, I also would have been a serial killer with zero empathy and basically no feelings except sadistic satsifaction, but no one would be able to hurt me, really.
I still have all of those memories. But I don't regret that I didn't take that path. It was a dead-end. It was me locking myself into one response pattern forever, because I'd given up on even wanting a world where I was more than a mere neanderthal to anyone.
But that's not the world I live in. I live in a world with people who've been kind to me, who've fought for me and saved me, even when I didn't deserve it. And I think you do, too.
It makes me happy. And hopeful. And scared and sad sometimes but it doesn't stop me from stacking all of it up and comparing it and knowing that this is better than that empty, closed-off life. Emotions are a reflection of what the world means to you and how much. You say your judgement is unclouded without emotions, but I think it's not unclouded at all. I think you're just depriving yourself of your most important data.