fridgetothefire | 028 ☣ public post

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028 ☣ public post

[When the view clicks on, Anya is obviously changed. She has the glowing blue eyes, and her skin looks almost grey. She isn't quite light-skinned enough for classic pallor, but the color is leached from her face. She sits still and straight, with a degree of composure that is, in fact, precisely normal for her. She missed breakfast today, and now it's quite clear why.]

I've allowed Arthas to make me into a zombie for a few days. It is entirely temporary, and I am in control of myself and my faculties. There is no need for anyone to be alarmed.

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You're -

- friendly with him. Aren't you?

[ Aeryn stares for a moment, but: ]

Yes.

Good.

He's a good friend to have.

I have decided that I am, in fact, interested in what has happened to you.

What information, specifically, are you hoping to find through this experimentation upon your self?

A lot of different things.

I wanted to know what it was like, being undead, what that really meant. I'd died a couple times here, but it's never...felt real, afterwards. This doesn't feel like death either, but it doesn't feel like life. It's...strange. Hard to describe, worth experiencing for myself.

[She switches to private.]

I wanted to know if Arthas was telling the truth about what he wanted to do. Everyone was so suspicious. But he was. I mean, it's not comfortable, but he didn't pretend it would be.

And I wanted - uhg, this feels so complicated. Basically most of the worst things in my life happened because I'm a normal human. And the barge keeps changing me into other things, here and there, a few days at a time. And I can never decide how I feel about it. So I wanted to see if it was different when it was something I chose, instead of something that just happened to me without any reason or warning.

But what is the cost? This is a skill he clearly knows how to use well. Why ask for more to practice it upon, when he doesn't need the practice? What does he take, in killing you this way?

Is it different?

He knows how to bring people back, but not - not with as much free will and self-control as I have. That's new, that's what he was trying to do, to see if he could. And it worked.

The cost is - it hurt. I feel strange in my body, like I'm not connected to it the right way, I'm always conscious of the weight and the shape of it all the time, like the way you can't stop feeling the sore gap after you lose a baby tooth. I get angry a little easier and happiness is a little harder, but I still know myself. I can't see colors and I can't smell anything at all. I'm going to have a death toll when this is over and it's probably going to be really miserable.

I wouldn't recommend it as - anything permanent. But I don't regret it either.

Edited 2013-09-29 17:04 (UTC)

There is little point in regret. [ And that's why you're an inmate, Aeryn. ]

What is a death toll and how long will your current state last?

Are there any non-emotional effects to your mind?

If you die on the barge, you come back. Well, wardens come back automatically, inmates need to have a warden ask for them back. There's a week where you feel sick and shaky, and you hurt based on the way you died. It's not pleasant, but it's...eminently endurable.

I'll be like this for a few more days. Three or four. And there aren't any mental effects. I have a lot of information about myself written up in my room, so I can compare in case of - floods, amnesia, whatever. My memories are the same, the way I think is the same, the things I want are the same. I'm still me.

Thank you for the information.

How did he kill you?

Snapped my neck. It was - quick. Simple.

So you will likely be unable to turn your neck for a week after this.

Or it will turn too easily.

I think it will just - hurt a lot, without much actual difference in function. That's what was like after Castiel crushed my windpipe. Only this time the ache will be down in the bone instead of the trachea. I'll let you know for sure when I get it it, if you want.

Suffocation is supposed to be the easiest toll, but - I really don't like going through it.

Yes, I would be interested in that information as well.

[ She's not surprised that there is so much intel on what it means to die, here. It seems like effective knowledge to have, really. But Alex is upset, and Ben is likely upset, and so she isn't entirely certain how to react to this girl.

So she just nods. ]

[It's one of the reasons Anya is telling her so much: because she is close to Alex and Ben, because she's listening calmly in ways they aren't. Anya has no way to know if the information will actually get back to them, if anyone will be reassured by it. But she can at least provide it. She wonders if she should say something more directly, but Anya doesn't know her well enough to know where to start, and it's not Aeryn's job to make her case for her.]

Alright, I will.

Edited 2013-09-29 18:00 (UTC)

Good luck in finding what you are looking for.

Thank you.

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028 ☣ public post

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