Anya Lehnsherr | Earth 97400 (
fridgetothefire) wrote2013-09-28 08:13 pm
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[When the view clicks on, Anya is obviously changed. She has the glowing blue eyes, and her skin looks almost grey. She isn't quite light-skinned enough for classic pallor, but the color is leached from her face. She sits still and straight, with a degree of composure that is, in fact, precisely normal for her. She missed breakfast today, and now it's quite clear why.]
I've allowed Arthas to make me into a zombie for a few days. It is entirely temporary, and I am in control of myself and my faculties. There is no need for anyone to be alarmed.
I've allowed Arthas to make me into a zombie for a few days. It is entirely temporary, and I am in control of myself and my faculties. There is no need for anyone to be alarmed.
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Neither, exactly.
It's just the combined limits of circumstance. And exasperation is an acceptable verdict. I am satisfied with my dissatisfaction.
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What I said was right.
You make strange choices.
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I've said for a while that what matters is how you use the tools you have. Powers can be very - convenient.
[It's a word other than useful, at least, though it is exactly what she means.]
These particular tools are poorly suited to anything I'm trying to accomplish now, except for...practice and play and testing myself. And that makes it easier, I guess, not to get torn up by jealousy, and self-loathing over the hypocrisy of being jealous, and the whole existential mess on top of that.
Right now it just feels like extra things I can do, in exchange for feeling like a puppeteer's hand with a very ill-fitting glove inside my own body.
[This is not a bitter complaint. It's just part of the zombie experience. A lower price than she expected, honestly.]
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But that's not a bad thing. You have more than enough identity without something else on top of it.
[ He means she's bold. She's such a presence, especially when you learn her language, know to watch her. ]
Changing your past, though, is the kind of violation you don't want. So that's not an experiment you can do.
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No. I don't want it to be part of who I am. I always - it feels so stupid. To define yourself by, partly by negative space. By an absence. But it feels like a present thing to me. Everything about my life was shaped by being only human.
[You have more than enough identity. In spite of everything, it is terribly reassuring to hear.]
I wanted to know if I could. Use this. Or things like this. And still be myself.
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[ Because he knows she can. She's dead, and she hasn't changed at all. ]
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Thank you.
[The shark, moseying through the shallows, finally darts in toward her shin, and she strikes, a spear of ice forcing itself into existence between her hand and the water in the flash of an eye. She accounts for the refraction of the water and skewers it cleanly, a cloud of blood blooming around her ankles as the shark thrashes. She hoists it out of the water, and it slides farther down the icicle toward her hand. When it stops twitching, she sighs softly, viscerally satisfied. She extracts the ice and drops it carelessly into the water to melt, then holds the small shark in both hands, peering at the hole punched through muscle and sinew and cartilage, carefully rebuilding the connections.]
I still have to see how I feel when it's gone again. But the prognosis is good, I think.
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I like people better alive.
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She reaches for the dark sizzling energy that animates her body now, cups an oily handful of it in her mind, squeezes it tight, like a piece of coal, like a seed, and plants it amid the shark's patched flesh. Its eyes ignite, glowing white-blue just like hers, twitches in her hands. She lets it slip back into the water, and it swims in tentative circles around her.]
I like being alive better, too. But I'm glad I got to try this.
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What's it like?
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It doesn't hurt, but it - tugs. Like something vital in you bare and extenuated a little.
[She sends it to circle him in turn, slow enough to examine, close enough to pet.]
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[ He toys with his fingers and the surface tension of the water, thinking about touching the shark. ]
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No, he doesn't believe that. She's too much of herself.]
So that's why he was offering.
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Yes.
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[Honesty deserves thanks, doesn't it?]
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Even here - any time I tried to talk to anyone about it, it always got all turned around into being about how hard it was to have powers taken away, because they were so important to everyone else. Or Spock's weird issues with being half-human that I understood because we were sharing a brain but he still wouldn't let me -
[She's getting angry again, and she cuts herself off.]
Anyway. I appreciate it.
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[Not much else he can think of to say. Her presence has soothed him, too, nonspecifically.
He spots something on the ocean floor, and dives. Swimming with hands and feet feels odd, still, but he manages it well enough, and he's not under for long before he surfaces again.
There's a pearl between his fingers.]
Do you want it?
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Yes.
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Thank you.
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Well, I've been practicing. I have to use it while I can, right?
[It's Zane. She assumes he means the magic, and is no less pleased and flustered for it. The power may not be hers naturally, but the skill is; Arthas said she was good for a beginner.]
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actual keywords
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