034 ☣ all natural recycled post-consumer goodwill

[fridgetothefire]

[Public, video]

For everyone who hasn't heard yet, I graduated, a little while ago. I'll be staying, of course.


[Private to Arthas]

It happened while I was a death knight, actually. I should have told you sooner, I know, I'm sorry. I was figuring a lot of things out and I half believed it wouldn't even stick.

I don't know what that means, or if it means anything. But...you deserve to know.

Thank you.


[Private to Hannibal]

[She pays careful attention to the effects of the flood; she knows he would, too. When she's certain the waters have receded, she starts to cook. With the roast is in the oven and the soup simmering, she calls.]

I'm sure you know by now that there was another Dr. Lecter on board, before you. He was one of the first people who spoke to me here.

He made me lunch, when I was cold and shaken and alone. I realize you aren't in that sort of position, but I'd like to pay it forward, if you're willing.


[Spam for Nathan, also distinctly post-flood.]

[She knocks twice, smartly. She brought cookies.]

Nathan? It's Anya. I'd like to talk to you.


[Spam for Iris, slightly backdated.]

[Anya has found some interesting things in her new and improved warden's cabin. Like this old-fashioned hand-cranked ice cream maker, for example. Iris seems to be having a rough time of it, so Anya hauls the bulky little machine over to her cabin, kicks the door awkwardly instead of knocking.]

Iris, it's Anya. I want to show you something.

Comments

[godsays]

Anyone who hasn't heard yet?

[ w o w you could have told him. ]

[fridgetothefire]

This place is a hideous gossip mill.

[She just did, you dork.]

[godsays]

No one told me.

[fridgetothefire]

Good. I'm telling you.

[godsays]

When you're telling everyone.

[fridgetothefire]

I'm telling everyone because it was spreading faster than I expected, and I wanted people to hear it from me. Once the people who matter know there's no point in keeping it from everyone else.

Don't fuss. The only people I meant to tell in advance were Lua and Erik, alright?

[godsays]

Anya. You meant to keep it a secret, didn't you?

[fridgetothefire]

I kept it secret for over a month. I didn't mean it go this long, actually. But the barge does keep us busy, doesn't it?

[godsays]

A month?

[fridgetothefire]

Forty-two days.

I didn't tell anyone until after the mirror barge, Zane, and only because I had wanted to volunteer to take over a supervisory kitchen shift to make up for Ben while he was death-tolling. And Riddick told Ben, and then Peter figured it on out his own and told people, and I wanted to let Erik and Lua know and then Charles found out from Erik, of course...

The rest of the shortlist would have been you and Alex and Cassel and Jean, if I were still keeping it to my friends. But the whole point of keeping it secret was keeping things the same for a little while longer with you guys. Once you know, it doesn't matter who else does. So I figured I might as well do the rest of it all at once.

[godsays]

So you did want to keep it a secret.

[fridgetothefire]

For a little while, yeah.

[godsays]

[ A little shake of his head. ]

It's not a surprise that you got there.

[ Which is a sort of congratulations. But he isn't willing to give much more.

He cuts off the connection. ]

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

[A few hours later, she sends him a text.]

I was suprised. I expected to graduate but not then, you know? I was an undead monster, for goodness' sake.

I thought a lot about what you said, when you graduated. That it happens while you're still learning. And that drives me crazy sometimes, that I have to make a move when I don't know everything yet.

I didn't keep it a secret because of not trusting you. I just like having secrets. It makes things feel safer to me, and everything was going to change and I needed that for a little while. I'm sorry it all came out as messy as it did. The other barge shook everything up, and it just seemed like time to let go, that's all.

[private]

[godsays]

You like secrets because you trust yourself only.

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

That's not true.

[private]

[godsays]

It's what it seems like.

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

If I didn't trust you, I'd be more meticulously truthful, and the only secrets I ever kept would be the ones I knew I could maintain forever, because I wouldn't dare give you a reason to hurt me when you found out.

[...well that was a slightly uncomfortable epiphany. Not that she didn't know that was how her brain used to work. She just hasn't thought about it in awhile. Not since she stopped being like that.]

[private]

[godsays]

You mean you only really lie to the people you like.

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

[Or people she's going to kill soon enough that it doesn't matter.]

Basically, yeah.

Also I tend not to tell people who can talk me out of things about dubious things I want to do. And since I actually trust your judgement most of the time (which is a whole different thing from trusting people in general, and rarer) you're in that category.

[private]

[godsays]

[ a long pause. ]

You are absurd.

[ But she may be able to tell this is more frustrated-fond than frustrated-hurt. ]

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

Granted.

[private]

[godsays]

Glad you're not an inmate anymore.